Added this area to allow us to add components to places reached through the DevMenu, so we can have this area as our development playground, without corrupting any of the 'traditional FnF' site structure
When transferring (copying) to live, we should just be able to delete/disable the dev menu access on the main menu
Send us feedback!
On this page you can download useful documents to inform you about aspects on the Courts.
Guidelines for Judges meeting Children who are subject to Family Proceedings - The purpose of these Guidelines is to encourage judges to enable children to feel more involved and connected with proceedings in which important decisions are made in their lives and to give them an opportunity to satisfy themselves that the Judge has understood their wishes and feelings and to understand the nature of the Judge’s task
What the Family Courts Expect from Parents - Guidelines to consider when you appear in court, produced by the Midland Regional Family Judges and Magistrates.
Here is an excellent and informative talk on the role of the court and of lawyers in difficult contact cases given by Sarah Phillimore, a prominent Bristol barrister and prolific participant on Twitter.
Sarah gave the talk at our 2017 Conference in Bristol on 18 March.
Send us feedback!
Our Helpline is available from 9am - 10pm Monday - Friday and from 10am - 3pm at weekends.
On Monday - Friday, between the hours of 6 pm and 10 pm, we provide more specialised support. At these times, the helpline is staffed by FNF volunteers who have experience of some of the problems that you might be facing. They may able to give you information that will enable you to progress your situation or simply to listen if you want a sympathetic ear. Outside of these hours, our calls are taken by the charity Family Lives, whose Helpliners are trained by Family Lives and receive additional material and training from FNF on how to respond to our service users. FNF internal Helpline volunteers are recruited from within the FNF membership, and receive training from FNF as well as the Telephone Helplines Association.
We receive a large number of calls and it can sometimes be difficult to get through. Our average call length is 45 minutes so please try to leave a gap between your attempts. Please keep trying.
Callers can leave a message on our weekday evening service and they should receive a callback from our volunteers, usually within 24 hours.
Please note: The Helpline is often extremely busy and very occasionally for technical reasons your message may occasionally be lost - so if we don't call you back, we're sorry and please try again and/or leave another message.
If you would prefer to talk to someone face-to-face - which we recommend, you might wish to consider going to one of our branch meetings in your area.
If you would like to find out more about the FNF services available to you as a member, see Join Us.
Important: Our helpliners cannot and must not advise on where to obtain legal advice by recommending solicitors, McKenzie Friends or themselves for any work outside the helpline and branches. FNF does NOT recommend any practitioners as our services are intended to offer direct support only. Any attempts by a helpliner to recommend firms or individuals should be reported immediately to fnf@fnf.org.uk.
FNF is always seeking to welcome new helpline volunteers.
Whether you have received support from FNF in the past and would like to help others in the same way, or whether you're just keen to support people in need, FNF can you offer you training and support to become a helpline volunteer.
To discuss volunteering on the helpline please contact fnf@fnf.org.uk. We will be happy to support you in becoming part of the team.
To find out how else you could offer your help to FNF please visit the Volunteer section on this website.
These stats include the calls answered by our partner Family Lives outside the hours of 6pm to 10pm on weekdays. They cover a total of very roughly 200,000 minutes' worth of calls.
Numbers calling are not unique – ie several calls may have been received from any given number.
This should be seen as a very rough guide only – partly because we also return many calls (not included above) and also because about 23,000 of the total calls are longer than 30 seconds (our criterion for being an answered call). Of the latter about 19,000 were answered by Family Lives on our behalf and about 4,000 calls which on average is 167 calls/month out of 958 calls/month over the period.
Send us feedback!
Parenting plans aim to help separated parents work out the best possible arrangements for their children and to try and ensure that these plans are clear, consistent and reliable.
Parents can use parenting plans to guide them through this difficult process. They can also be useful as a basis for discussion during mediation.
Below are some links to our favourite plans:
Send us feedback!
This page is the best place to start and find out some answers to your initial questions. To use this page click on the 'Q' to reveal the answer 'A'. To clear the answer click again on the yellow 'Q'. If there is something you don’t understand please call the FNF National Office on 0300 0300 110 or the National Helpline 0300 0300 363.
You can phone the helpline on 0300 0300 363 (9am - 9pm Monday to Friday, 10am - 3pm at weekends). Alternatively please visit our branches on the dates published in our Branch List.
Please do NOT call Branch contact numbers for advice. Branch Officers are volunteers who can only provide guidance and support at the Branch meetings. If you are a member, you can post on our on-line Forum instead.
Have you separated from your partner or do you think you will? Are you worried about not seeing your children or about the effect the breakdown of your relationship might have on them? If you are, Families Need Fathers can help you with the support and information you need.
We help mothers, fathers, grandparents, new partners and extended families. We are here to help parents and their families go on giving the love, care and support that their children need after separation - and we support parents and families to do this - especially if you are having problems in coming to an agreement on your own.
There are more things you get if you are a member. To find out more click here.
There are other places where you can get the information, services and help you need. Click here for links to other help and support.
Members help us to get changes made so that both parents can share the care of their children after they separate.
the helpline, visit your local branch meeting, post a question on the e-mail forum or go to law and information section on this site.
Resident parent – parent that the child lives with most of the time.
Non-resident parent – the parent that the child doesn’t live with most of the time.
Court order – what the judge decides at the court.
Child Arrangements Order – an order made by a judge saying that sets out who the child lives with, when they spend time with the other parent, and so on.
Contact – the time the non-resident parent spends with the child, also called parenting time.
Direct Contact – is when you see your child face-to-face.
Indirect Contact – is talking to your child on the phone or sending them letters.
Contact issues – are problems with contact or parenting time
Interim contact – contact before a decision is being made at the next court hearing.
Mediation – is talking to the other parent with someone else there to help you make decisions, and not always in the same room.
Parental responsibility - a legal definition, and means you are able to make decisions about your child and get information about them from schools and doctors.
Shared Parenting – means both parents look after the child for some of the time.
Cafcass- Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service
Hearing – going to court so that a judge can make a decision.
First directions hearing – the first time you go to the court.
Interim hearing – when you go to the court, not for the first time, but before a judge makes a final decision. This might be while the judge is waiting for a Cafcass officer to write a report.
Final hearing – is the last time you go to court. The judge will make a decision about you and your child.
Cafcass or Section 7 report – the judge can order a report about you and the other parent before he makes a decision.
We have branches across the country from Newcastle to Exeter, click here to find out where your nearest one is. You can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend.
Joining is easy and you can do it by the click of a button. Go to Join Us to find out more.
Anyone can be a member of Families Need Fathers. Our members include fathers, mothers, resident and non-resident parents, grandparents, new partners and friends as well as people who agree with what we do.
Families Need Fathers can help you. We can give you general information about seeing your children (these are called contact issues) or help you with your own situation.
There are three different ways we can provide you with help:
The best way to receive help from us is to become a member. Then you can get help in different ways including factsheets, information books and our internet forums, where you can 'chat', ask for the advice and experience of other members and get feedback all the time.
Another way to get help and support is our helpline on 0300 0300 363 (7am-midnight, 7 days a week).
Or if you go to a local branch meeting you can receive face-to-face advice from local members. Go to local-branch-meetings to find the closest one to you.
You have come to the right place; FNF can give you help and support. The best way to get help from us is to:
Join and become a member.
Or phone our helpline.
Or go along to your local branch meeting (you can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend).
We may also have information that will help you in our factsheets. These are free to download if you are a member.
Unfortunately the parent that the children are living with can sometimes stop the other parent from seeing their own children. You can get help from us.
Join and become a member.
Or phone our helpline.
Or go along to your local branch meeting (you can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend).
We also may have information that will help you in our factsheets. These are free to download if you are a member.
You have come to the right place; FNF can give you help and support. The best way to get help from us is to:
Join and become a member.
Or phone our helpline.
Or go to your local branch meeting (you can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend).
We also may have information to help you in our factsheets. These are free to download if you are a member.
Only a court can officially stop you from seeing your children. If anyone else tries to stop you, you can do something about it. Please call our helpline on 0300 0300 363 (7am-midnight, 7 days a week) to get support over the phone.
You can get help and support from us by:
Join and become a member. (You can get help for your son or daughter from us.)
Or phone our helpline.
Or go to your local branch meeting (you can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend).
We also may have information to help you in our factsheets. These are free to download if you are a member.
Yes your children need you to be part of their life. Please read our parental responsibility factsheet: https://fnf.org.uk/publications/factsheets-guides
You can also find out more by:
By becoming a member, phoning our helpline or by going to your local branch meeting (you can always take someone along with you i.e. your partner, parent or friend).
We also may have information to help you in our factsheets. These are free to download if you are a member.
Do you have Parental responsibility?
Parental responsibility is a legal label tying a parent to their child. For more information please download our factsheet at: https://fnf.org.uk/publications/factsheets-guides
See Parental Responsibility for more information.
Or phone our helpline and speak to someone.
Parental responsibility is a legal label tying a parent to their child. For more information please download our factsheet at: https://fnf.org.uk/publications/factsheets-guides
See Parental Responsibility for more information.
Or phone our helpline to speak to someone.
Yes they do. Children have the right to see both their parents if it is safe.
Most important is Section 9 of the UN Convention on Rights of the Child:
"Parties shall respect the right of the child who is separated from one or both parents to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis, except if it is contrary to the child's best interests."
There are different ways of getting to see your child:
- Mediation. This means talking to someone with or without the other parent there, who will try to help you both sort out the problems.
- A family member or friend could help you talk about problems. You don’t have to be in the same room if it is difficult.
- Contact Relate and see if they can help you.
- Collaborative law is a good idea for some people. This means using solicitors to help you sort out your problems without going to court.
- Try to talk to your ex partner if you can. Or try writing a letter. Suggest what you can do together to help your children. You can get help to write letters from our forum https://fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/fnf-online-forum. Solicitors and going to court can cost a lot of money.
It’s always best not to go to court, but if you have tried everything to sort out the problems then you may have to go to court. Contact our helpline or go to a local to discuss this.
You don’t have to have a solicitor. You can go to court on your own. FNF can give you a lot of help if you decide to do this. To find out more information click here.
You can apply to have the court fees rebated, using form EX160 available from the court or from here.
If you need more help, phone our helpline
Shared Parenting means both parents look after their children and make decisions about them even when they don’t live together. The children don’t have to be with both parents for the same amount of time. Please see our guide to shared parenting.
Go to one of our branch meetings to talk to other parents who may be able to help you. Or you can also call the helpline.
You can also get advice from NACSA who help people in this area.
CMS (formerly CM Options) give information on the maintenance options available to parents.
The money you pay for your child (child support) can be agreed with the other parent.
It is worth contacting CMS if you have any questions about how to provide child support.
Child maintenance is what one parent pays the other parent who looks after the child most of the time.
The definition from CM Options:
“Child maintenance is regular, reliable financial support that helps towards a child's everyday living costs. The parent without the main day-to-day care of the child pays child maintenance to the other parent.”
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/index.asp
Go to a branch meeting to talk to other FNF members who may be able to help you, you can also call the helpline.
See the CMS website for more information:
Usually, until the children are aged 16, or 19 if they go on to further education (e.g. A-levels). However ask CMS about your child.
This doesn’t often happen. Look on directgov and see if you will be able to get anything.
Send us feedback!
It is not uncommon for separation and divorce to be a life shattering experience, so if you feel that way, you are not alone. Everything that you care about, including the relationship with your children, your financial status, your ability to function at work and your health can be put at risk through prolonged proceedings.
Try to think of ways to help yourself continue to be able to function under these extremely difficult circumstances. Try to do things that you know are good for you and stay healthy. This will help your children, because they need you to be well. If you feel sad and angry, which is totally normal, try to find ways to deal with this. Find people you can talk to or ways to express your anger and sadness. Maybe going to the gym will help, but do whatever will help you.
One of the most important things to realise is that we are here for you. We have a helpline which you can call on 0300 0330 363 (9am - 10pm Monday to Friday, 10am - 3pm at weekends), and we have branch meetings across the country.
For online support you can sign up to FNF's online forum, open to our members. You can share your story, hear others and receive support and advice from our other members. For more information about the online forum and the many other benefits of FNF membership please click here.
You can also access DSG's local counselling support groups, provided by trained psychotherapists, on 0844 800 9098 www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk.
If there is something you don’t understand please call the National Helpline on 0300 0300 363.
We are keen to hear from you about how you cope, which might help others in the future. If you would like to add to this page, if you have found a website of real help, or you have read a book which you would like others to enjoy, please e-mail admin@fnf.org.uk.
Anxiety and low mood are common after family breakups. This is distressing but normal and will settle with adjusting to the new situation. Having said that, times of divorce or separation are bound to have an impact on your emotional and mental well-being.
In order for you to keep on going and because your children need you to be there for them, do find a source of help, sooner rather than later.
The first port of call is your GP. They will be able to offer you support with regards to the emotional impact of separation and divorce. They can make an assessment if you require a referral for counselling or to the well-being team. They may also advise taking a course of medication should this be required.
Do try to find understanding sources of support - family, friends or other people within FNF, who will help you through the journey ahead. If you require professional support it is important that you get it. Professionals are obliged to maintain confidentiality in a way that other people might not.
“After I split up with my girlfriend, I felt jittery and I suffered with a lack of confidence”
“I was isolated and I couldn’t sleep”
If you are feeling anxious or low your GP can help, or click here for NHS Direct.
Suggested links:
http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx
http://www.sane.org.uk/AboutMentalIllness/Anxiety
http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/articles/anxiety.html
Suggested links:
http://www.separatedfamilies.info/families/about-you/taking-good-care-of-yourself/
http://www.mind.org.uk/
http://samaritans.org.uk/
www.counselling-directory.org.uk - the purpose of the site is ultimately to provide the UK with a huge counselling support network, enabling those in distress to find a counsellor close to them and appropriate for their needs. This is a free, confidential service that will hopefully encourage those in distress to seek help.
Suggested links:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/sleepproblems/sleepingwell.aspx
www.menshealth.co.uk/chatroom/topic/370565
Suggested links:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/mental_health/coping_angermanagement1.shtml
http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/anger.html
After a family break-up, it can be tempting to stop looking after yourself, and to turn to alcohol or drugs. But they do have negative effects.
“I started drinking bottles of wine a night”
“Cannabis was the only thing that would get me to sleep”
If you are suffering with these problems it is a good idea to go and speak to your GP.
Suggested links:
http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/?gclid=CJTY8_LthZ4CFcGAzAodOTcDqg
http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Support-Groups/Addictions/Drink-Aware.html
Meal times can be especially painful, but it’s always important to eat well and drink a lot of water.
“Meal times are the hardest”
Easy and healthy food recipes
Suggested links:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/
http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/
Try to fit some exercise into your day as this may help you too. It may be the last thing on your mind but is worth trying.
“I felt going to the gym helped, it cleared my mind”
Suggested links:
http://www.need2know.co.uk/health/keeping_fit/article.html/id=310
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/fitness/
After divorce and separation you can often feel wary of starting relationships with new people. There are no rules as to when you should or should not start a new relationship. Sometimes new relationships can have an impact on your parenting arrangements and your children might feel upset by this new development. Remember to be sensitive to the fact that children might take some time to get used to a new person in your life, but you should not feel guilty for this and try and make sure you reassure them that you love them just the same. It is crucial to spend some special parent time alone with your children.
If you are a member of FNF you can receive some good feedback from other members on our forum or through our local contact list. Other people have gone through the same situations as you – it really is good to talk.
After separation and divorce your relationships with family members and friends can change. Some for the better with renewed bonds, but some relationships can be tested. Sometimes you can feel that nobody understands how bad it is. If you are feeling this way please pick up the phone to our helpline, go to a branch meeting or get on our members forum.
What you are feeling is normal, and many others have felt the same way. You may feel alone, but talking to others may reassure you that you are not alone and FNF is here to support you.
Depending on your own resilience it can sometimes take as long as a couple of years, or more, before any change starts to become your new ‘normal’.
Nevertheless, what do you do in the meantime? When we focus on personal emotional problems time has a habit of slowing down. What will be a great help is to try and put some structure into your days, even when it may not be necessary. Try planning for the next day the night before, but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go to plan. Try and recognise the small achievements. The point is: at least you tried to have a structure to your day, which may help it flow more easily.
Some people find that volunteering helps bring structure to their week, to volunteer with FNF call 0300 0300 110 or e-mail admin@fnf.org.uk.
You could also contact your local CVS for more information about voluntary groups in your area.
Separation and divorce can also have an effect on your work, productivity and your performance can sometimes slump. Understandably, as your thoughts are else where. Some of our members have not been able to continue working, but some have thrown themselves into their work. There is no one size that fits all. Try and speak to your employer. Sometimes employers can be very understanding, they might have even gone through it themselves. Or sometimes, they are not so sympathetic. This can depend on the size of the company you work, for example. People who are self-employed often find it particularly difficult.
Try and speak to somebody if you are struggling to cope and if you can let your employer know what is going on. If you are experiencing difficulties with your employer, please get in touch with our helpline 0300 0330 363.
It might also help to read our time management section and our financial problems section.
When someone has suffered trauma of any sort, it is advisable to share these feelings with someone who is able to help. Often your doctor will have a CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) attached to their practice who can help even if you don’t want anti-depressants. Many therapists or counsellors in private practice can help but it is important you check their qualifications and most importantly that you feel comfortable with them.
It can be difficult to know what to say to your children based on their age and their own grasp of the situation. Rather than focus on talking to them you could try asking them if they have any questions they want answering. Letting them talk will give you a greater understanding of what they feel which will help you respond to their needs. Helping them cope will also help you cope. If they don’t feel comfortable asking questions, you can try “what do you think about…?” “How do you feel about?” “What would you like?”
Often children can feel anger, upset, confusion and sadness and you may struggle with how best to talk to your child or deal with their behaviour. Their feelings and needs can be expressed through their behaviour, which on the surface can just seem like they are misbehaving or being difficult. It is also worth considering that their anger may surface some years later when they approach teenage years when their body and hormones are changing and they start to develop relationships for themselves. Children can often compare their ideas of what makes a happy relationship with what they have experienced, and get angry or confused.
If you need any support call our helpline on 0300 0300 363.
Divorce and separation is expensive. If you have financial problems one excellent source of help is your local Citizens’ Advice Bureau: more details at http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/. It is best to communicate early with any of your creditors, in an effort to reach agreement with them about a sensible and affordable way for you to repay your debt. For further advice, see the Money Advice Service.
If you are struggling with child maintenance payments visit http://www.cmoptions.org/ or call our helpline on 0300 0300 363 or contact www.nacsa.org.uk.
If you need debt advice you could visit the website of the Debt Advice Foundation
Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert
Overcoming Anxiety by Helen Kennerly
Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell
The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams
The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
Send us feedback!
